Casey And Friends Transcript ~2kids Internal Demo Reel~

[Hiding from Rachel ogling at her tits, thighs and POPSICLE]

CASEY: Whoa, wish I had a popsicle...

[!]

RACHEL: Hi Casey, how are you?

CASEY: Ra-chel, where have you been?

RACHEL: I can't tell you, it is a secret.

CASEY: Well where did you get that popsicle from? I WANT ONE!!!

RACHEL:

AHahahahahHAAHAHHAHAH!! AHAH-AHAHHAG!! Well, Casey, I got it from helping set up the FIESTA!!

CASEY:

WHAT FI-E-STA? I AM GOING TO THE FIESTA NOW!!

[Running from bullies]

HA HI HU HA HI HER HER HI HO HER

[Grabbed by school bullies from the back]

AAHH!!

GET OUT OF MY WAY! I AM GOING TO A FIE-STA!!

[loud breath noise after getting bashed on the head with a toy baseball bat]

WOOO!!

RACHEL: You were having a bad dream, Casey.

CASEY: Hi Ra-chel!!

RACHEL: We were worried that you'd miss the fiesta.

CASEY: I didn't miss it?

Note: A phone rings once in the background, probably accidentally left in by 2kids...

MILLIE: Yo DAWG!!

CASEY: Millie!? Why?

RACHEL: Well, I forgot to bring the tacos, so I asked her to bring them over.

MILLIE:

What's up homies, fill me in up on the 411, CHILL.
Ra-chel, the pinata is chillin' downstairs.

RACHEL: Um... we can play with them after we eat the tacos, then.

CASEY: Where's the pinata? Why can't we play now?

MILLIE:

Ahahaha, wild man, you have to chow down on tacos first, dude!
What kind of tacos do you like?

[Bondage game]

Just take it easy, dude right now, and I'll feed you one right now and you'll DIGG IT!!

Relax, dude, just givin' you some nourishin' TACO EDGE!!

CASEY: Is there CHEESE!? I'm LACTOSE INTOLERANT!!

MILLIE: Don't remember. We're find out, man.

CASEY: Don't do it, I can't have andy DAIRY PRODUCTS!!

Some people who are LACTOSE INTOLERANT can go to the EMERGENCY ROOM!!

MILLIE: It's totally delicious.

CASEY:

EH AH IH UH AH!!

[Pretty intense moment of being force fed a cheese taco]

NO!!!! IT'S GOT CHEESE!!!!

AREEEVAAAAAAA!!!

[W000000000000000!!! Beat the pinatas!!]

WE'RE HAVING PINATAS!! w00000000000t!!

Casey and Friends
USA Child-safe Version
TV-PG
2009-13-02

Bill Gates DOOM Transcript ~Microsoft Judgement Day '95 Opening~ (RC1)

[LMAO best pwnage evar IDDQD and IDKFA]

These games are getting REALLY realistic. Next year I might even play in the big DOOM tournament. You might wonder what am I doing here.

Well, I am getting a kind of an inside look at some of these new games. I think you will be amazed, at all the new games we are going to show you here this evening.

We've got a few key points to remember. First, Windows 95 is THE game platform. Whether it's the best performance, the best setup, the best integration, with the toolkits we've put together, we're going to make sure people are going to be VERY focused on Windows 95.

DOS, it's been impossible to install the games, hard for the developers, hard for the users, card support problems, and nowhere near the graphics performance we are getting today with our DirectX APIs.

Our stacking key point is that we think that the PC is the entertainment platform for the future. We're going to have the best performance, the way to reach out and do multiplayer games, lots of new peripherals, and the improvements just keep coming.

Our commitment is to make the tools, to make the platform, better and better.

SHOTGUN_GUY: HEY BILL, YEAH YEAH!

[***BiLLY-G (shotgun) SHOTGUN_GUY]

BiLLY-G: DON'T INTERRUPT ME!

And, a third point is I really wanna thank all the third parties who have made this possible. The reaction of the game communnity has been fantastic. I will be here, showing you 75 new games, all of them that would be coming out by the end of the year.

We really believe that with their help we will be able to clean up this DOS mess, and get everything focused on Windows. And it's our commitment to keep moving ahead, and doing that.

Well, I'd better go and work on cleaning this neighbourhood here, and so I'm off, but don't forget, when you are trying out our haunted house, don't lose your head.

See Ya.
William Henry III "Bill" Gates

[Mumumumumuhahahahahaahahaha!!]

Microsoft.
What Do You Want To Execute Today?

MS-DOS 5 Upgrade Rap Video Transcript (RC1)

[Propaganda Time: MS affiliates are so punctual and so hot and horny for the latest technology from Microsoft!!]

DOSGIRLS: Ooooooo~!

[Microsoft's Colonel Sanders ROLLS IN!!]

DOSMAN: WELCOME! to the Microsoft MS-DOS 5 Upgrade training! This is the first time that MS-DOS has been AVAILABLE AS AN UPGRADE!! IT'S....

[Run chroma key video inline]

DOSMAN: NEW!!

[DOSDANCE]

DOSMAN:
We're introducing something new,
It's essential for all, the the many and the few!!

DOSGIRLS:
It's in your store, Ooooo~!
Microsoft wants to!


DOSMAN:
The MS-DOS upgrade is a hit,
And No PC Should Be Without It!

DOSGIRLS: No PC Should be Without it!

DOSMAN:
There are 3 key benefits to the MS-DOS 5 upgrade!
OK, Girls, SHRINK IT DOWN!!

[MSSHRINK]


1. Free More Memory

It's late at night, you're feelin' right,
Working at your PC, YO!

Your face turns green 'cos the word on the screen is:
You're OUT OF MEMORY!!

[I FORGET.]

DOSGIRLS: OH NO!!

Note: This must be the earliest glimpse of whatever operation at Microsoft to make error messages as Dumb Blonde Human readable as possible. This initiative was somewhat fulfilled with Windows Vista, with its highly "dejargonated" system dialog text and labels.

DOSMAN: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSGIRLS: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSMAN: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSGIRLS: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSMAN: Upgrade to MS-DOS 5, make DOS applications COME ALIVE!!

DOSGIRLS:
Free more memory, can't you see
Spare those games, they've got to be FREE!!!

DOSMAN: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSGIRLS: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSMAN:
Suits any memory hogging beast,
'Cos it frees 45K of memory at least!
And that's why with everyone who's in DOS, it's also the BEST DOS to run with WINDOWS!!

DOSMAN: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSGIRLS: GIMMIE 5!!

[Magical MOUSE appears!!]



2. Easy to Use

DOSMAN:
If you think MS DOS is a mystery? Admit it!
MS-DOS 5 is easier, here's how we did it!

We gave it a GRAPHICAL SHELL, that's a ticket!
It's DOS with a prettier face, yo'll kick it!


DOSGIRLS:
Lookin' good, uh huh!
Like it should, uh huh!

DOSMAN:
To copy files from Drive to Drive,
Just drag and drop, GIMMIE 5!!

Wondering' what command to use?
Select from our DROP DOWN MENU!!

DOSGIRLS:
The Graphical Shell do tell,
The Mystery's gone, go on!

DOSMAN:
Plus Online Help, Task Swapper, Editor,
And lots of features that help you do more.

One command helps you take the heat,
When you really mess up,

DOSMAN+DOSGIRLS: UNDELETE!!



3. Safe and Easy to Install

DOSGIRLS:
The MSDOS 5 upgrade is sleek,
Even from the network, installs real quick!!

DOSMAN:
Loads over ANY DOS ON ANYONE'S PC,
But now you may be wondering "HOW SAFE CAN IT BE?"

DOSGIRLS:
I'll ask that, (yeah) and so would I!
I want to know more, before I buy!

DOSMAN:
Micro-soft said HEAR THIS RHYME,
We'll test this upgrade BIG TIME!!

DOSGIRLS: HIT IT!!

[C:\DOS>MSSMASH]

DOSMAN:
Branded biggest beta test in PC history,
Hammer at it 'yo END IT MOST TRIUMPHANTLY!!

DOSGIRLS:
NO PC should be without it!
NO PC should be without it!

DOSMAN:
This MS-DOS 5 upgrade tells,
The yin and yang with MEGA SALES!!

Here's the future it's no dream,
CUSTOMERS IN A STEADY STREAM!!

DOS has 60 Million Users Waiting!!
Time for them all to be UPGRADING!!


DOSGIRLS:
EVERYBODY DOS NOW!!
EVERYBODY DOS NOW!!

DOSMAN:
MS-DOS 5 sells easy when you tell it
The only thing easier is when you SELL IT!!

It's gonna be a cash machine for you,
Upgrading is the NATURAL THING TO DO!!

DOSMAN: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSGIRLS: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSMAN: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSGIRLS: GIMMIE 5!!

DOSMAN:
Alone or an add-on, this product is a hit,
NO PC SHOULD BE WITHOUT IT!!

MS-DOS 5 upgrade, take that image further
It's like SELLING FRIES WITH EVERY BURGER!!

DOSGIRLS:
MS-DOS 5 Upgrade with that?
MS-DOS 5 Upgrade with that?

DOSMAN: NO PC SHOULD BE WITHOUT IT!!

DOSGIRLS:
NO PC SHOULD BE WITHOUT IT!!
NO PC SHOULD BE WITHOUT IT!!
NO PC SHOULD BE WITHOUT IT!!
....

[Everybody DOSDANCE NOW!!]

Repeat ad nauseum until rescued by very abrupt fadeout.



Microsoft
MS-DOS 5 Upgrade
The Video
YO! MS Raps

Wendy's Grill Skill Video Full Transcript (with Lyrics!) (RC1)

To Skip to the Songs:

• Four Corner Press
• Serving the Patty
• GRILL SKILL ~The Theme Song~

[80's Amiga Demo'ish intro]
WENDY'S INTERNATIONAL PRESENTS: GRILL SKILL
Grill Skill! Grill Skill! You need the one with the grill skill!

DAVE THOMAS:

Hi, I'm Wendy's founder, Dave Thomas.

From the day I opened the first Wendy's, my goal has been to serve the best hamburger in the Venice.

The Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburger.

So, I started with the freshest beef I could find. 100% Pure Beef. Never Frozen.

And we pad it into squares, so that the patty hangs over the side of the bun. Then we cook the patties slowly, to seal in its natural juices and serve it hot off the grill, with the customer's choice of toppings.

No other hamburger chain can make those claims. That's what sets us apart from our competition. And that's why our customers come to Wendy's.

I believe the only way to make a Wendy's Old Fashioned hamburger is to press the meat patty. Pressing the meat patty is really important, and here's why:

The patty tastes better, because the salt is pressed into the meat, and makes the meat more tender; it also makes the patty larger, so they'll hang over the edge of the bun.

And people will like that!

Pressing the patty requires skill and dedication, you have to watch over the patty constantly as they cook. You should always serve a perfect Wendy's Old Fashioned hamburger, the one you would serve your to best friend.

You have one of the most important jobs at Wendy's. Right now, I want you to devote your full attention onto our new four corner press procedure for cooking Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers.

And while you're doing that, I-'m going to have a hot and juicy hamburger, with mustard, pickle and onion!

[Propaganda time: Wendy's is so orderly and efficient and they serve the best lettuce in the Venice]

BILL: Hi Greg, what's up?

GREG: Not much, Mary's up front, wants to see you.

BILL: A'right.

MARY: Hi Bill.

BILL: Hey!

MARY: ...... only 15 minutes.

CHILI BOY: OK.

BILL: Yeah, Mary, what's up

MARY: I'm going to pull you off fries today because I want you to learn grill. Have you clocked in?

BILL: Yeah.

MARY:

Let's Get Started.

You're familiar with the grill, but lemme show you might not already know. The meat is here, in the cold well, and, the cheese is over here.

Bun-warmer up above keeps the buns warm and fresh.

Remember, we only serve 100% pure ground beef. It's packed into squares so the meat hangs over the bun.

BILL: Yeah.

MARY: Now, the tape I am going to show you, here's the Crew Guide, and the Grill Training Tape... Why don't you try and have a look at the tape and I'll check you back in a few minutes.

BILL: Alright.

[STANDBY. 68020 American TARDIS Clone Preparing GRILL SKILL Training subspace...]

[As with all sci-fi devices made before 1998, they must smoke a lot when operated]

BILL: Oh great!


The Four Corner Press

Yo, I'm the Dook of the Grill! [Who?]
And you're about to learn some GRILL SKILL!
So let's get busy, c'mon let's go!

[HOT! Sexy dance routine]

Now, workin' the grill, Billy ain't so tough,
But first of all you've gotta check yo stuff,
Like the grill that's set at 2-5-0,
With the meat and cheese that's ready to go,
A towel, to keep yer station lookin' cool,
But most of all you've gotta have your tool!

[Retarded spatula guitar]

Are you with me now? Get ready!
We're gonna lay 'tho down!

Now the meat's got grains to it, just like wood,
You've gotta follow the arrows and lay them down like you should,
From the front to the back, you've gotta lay it down,
Space them even-ly, not scattered around!

Next, you've gotta salt the meat,
From the back to the front and make the taste complete,
Not to little, not too much,
With a little finesse, you'll get the touch!

[Salt the meat, nigga]

What's comin' up next is a key to success,
We'll turn the meat and do a four corner press,
Don't wait too long, I emp-ha-size,
Or the meat won't reach the proper size,

When things start to sizzle, you're ready to go,
Gently turn the meat, but don't be slow.
Just turn them over, ea-si-ly,
We don't want a broken patty that's a guarantee!

Press out the corners 1-2-3-4!
Rock it a bit, y'all keep it in store,
Top to bottom, left to right,
And you'll get a patty that's outta sight!
Press out the corners, nice and wide
'Least half an inch on both sides.

The reason you press, you gotta think,
When the meat hits the grill they start to shrink!

We start shrin-kin', when we hit the grill, you know we will!
We start shrin-kin', when we hit the grill, you know we will!

[Aooowwww!]

When you see red juices on the top of the meat,
It's time to giv'vit a turn, and press them, repeat!
Do it again, just like you did before,
Do the four corner press just one time more.

Now, once you press it the second time,
Don't press'em again be'cos the meat's just fine.
But when you see red juices rise,
Turn the patty over to the other side!

Don't scrape the grill, we want it wet you see,
It keeps the meat moist, so it's hot and jui-cy!
When the meat's red juices no longer rise,
You can serve that patty, and you'll win a prize!

[Olympic Gold Medal!]

It takes a-bout four minutes to cook,
But just to make sure, you can have a look,
Use 'yer tool, and double-check,
It should be grey and moist, to be correct!

An order's placed--you're ready to go,
Drain the meat, just like so,
Once the drainin' is totally done,
Place the patty squarely on the heel of that bun!

Now there you go, Billy, you givvit a shot!
Don't be afraid, I think you wanna be hot!

BILL: Where do I start? What do I do?

DUKE: Just remember the rap, Billy and you'll be cool!

BILL: Well, meat's got grain to it,

DUKE: Just like wood,

BILL: Follow the arrows,

DUKE: Lay it down like you should!

BILL: From front to back, lay it down,

DUKE: Space it evenly, not scattered all around!

BILL: Next, I've gotta, salt the meat?

DUKE: From the front to the back and make the taste complete.

BILL: Not to little,

DUKE: Not too much,

BILL: With a little finesse, I think I'm getting the touch!

DUKE: AYE!

DUKE: When things start to sizzle, you're ready to go!

BILL: Gently turn the meat, but don't be slow,

DUKE: Just turn them over ea-si-ly!

BILL: We don't want a broken patty,

DUKE: That's a guarantee!

BILL: Tsk... AAhh... Press 'em now right?

DUKE: Top and bottom, left and right.

BILL: Press out the corners, nice and wide, about half an inch on EVERY side!

DUKE: Try chokin' up a bit on this bachelor!

[Bill overclocks his GRILL SKILL]

DUKE: AYE!! Alright!

DUKE: Ok, what's next!

BILL:

Lemme see, I've salted it, turned pressed, ...

Oh yea, When you see red juices on the top of the meat, it's time to give them a turn then press it repeat,

Do it again, like you did it before, do the four corner press just one time more!

Once you pressed it the second time, don't press'it again 'cos the meat's just fine!

DUKE: But when you see those juices rise,

BILL: You can turn the patty to the other side,

BILL: Don't scrape the grill, we want it wet you see

DUKE: It keeps the meat moist, so it's hot and jui-cy!

BILL: And when those red juices no longer rise,

BILL: You can serve that patty, it'll win a

DUKE: PRIZE!

BILL: It takes just about four minutes to

DUKE: COOK!

BILL: But just to make sure you can take a

DUKE: LOOK!

BILL: Use your tool to double check,

DUKE:It should be gray 'n moist

BILL+DUKE: To be correct!

DUKE: Aye!

BILL: When an order's placed, you're ready to go, Just drain the meat,

DUKE: Just like so!

BILL: Then when, all, the drainin' is done, you can place the patties squarely on the heel of the bun!


Serving the Patty

Alright, Billy! That' s good!
You' gettin' it down like I knew you would!
But just to be sure, there is some 'mo!

A customer orders a single with cheese,
Here's the way you do it if you wanna please,
Lay down the cheese on a juicy spot,
But don't leave it too long or it'll get too hot,

Tool it up, lay it up on the meat
Do it right, keep it neat,
Drain and serve on the bun just so,
Don't touch it with yer finger that's a big no no!

[No, Billy. NO.]

To make a double cheese, for someone big and mean,
Use two full patties with a cheese in between,
Don't melt the cheese, the patties have heat,
Press them together and it's complete,
Drain and serve like you did before,
'An you can handle any dude who walks 'thru the door!

[Steroids!]

If they don't like cheese and yer double's plain,
Don't press them together, just drain.
Only serve a great lookin' patty,
Never serve a burger that's lookin' rabid,

But if something goes wrong and your burger's not right,
There's no need to get uptight,
If it's dry, burnt, broken or incomplete,
That may be turned into, CHILL MEAT!

Don't serve that beef, you see,
'Cos QUALITY IS OUR RECIPE!

Put those patties in the chili pan,
And save 'em for all our chili fans,
But if they have cheese then throw 'em away,
Or it'll ruin our chili, our experts say.

[Gold teeth]

Always try to an-ti-ci-pate,
Think ahead, or you'll be too late!
Whether busy or slow, it remains the same
Keep your meat into stages, that's the name of the game,

No less than 4, no more than 5,
Stage your meat, it's important and that's no jab,
Now your patties all hot and ready to go,
Right in time with CUSTOMER FLOW!

1. Stage 1, I'm raw you've just laid me down,
2. I'm Stage 2, and I'm gettin' brown, you turn me and press me just one time and there's two more stages before I'm fine,
3. I'm Stage 3, you've pressed me twice just one more stage before I'm nice!
   
4. Stage 4, I'm HOT, I should be done, lookin' good like I should so you can serve me, son!
   
5. I'm Stage 5 and I'm still alive, but serve me soon, and don't be slow, I've only got one minute to go!

The projection game is simple you see,
It's just common sense, that's the way it all it'll be,
When you know a lot of people would be comin' around,
Don't he-si-tate, start layin' em down!
When things slack off, do the same,
Or you'll be wastin' meat, and that would be a shame!

Just one last thing I've gotta say,
It has to do with the Wendy's way!

Always serve top quality, nothin' less than the best that's a guarantee!

Remember this rap, and you'll be HOT!
Give the grill, your very best shot,
And soon you'll develop some real GRILL SKILL,
You'll be tough on the grill, yes you will, Mr. Bill!

MARY: Bill, Bill? BILL! BILL? Bill, The tape is over!! Do you have any questions?

BILL: Nonono, I, ah, I think I've got it all.

MARY: Good, now let's go up to the front line, and I'll get you started.

[Propaganda time: Wendy's so nice to its griller boys!]

MARY: That's looking real good, I think you can handle more.

BILL: Thanks.

BURGER GIRL: Thank you sir, enjoy your meal.

DAVE THOMAS:

Thank you!

You know, it's an old-fashioned hamburger.

Just like this one, that keeps our customers coming back to Wendy's

Cooking and pressing our hamburgers isn't easy. It requires a special talent that takes some practice to develop.

Every hamburger you serve our customers should be the best in the Venice!

Grill Skill ~The Theme Song~

[More POWER spatula guitar]

I won't be burned in the rush,
Because I don't give up.
When you're feelin' the heat,
I've got just what you need.

I've got GRILL SKILL,
It takes NERVES OF STEEL,
When you've got orders to fill,
You need the one with the GRILL SKILL!

When I'm turnin' and pressin'
I'm doin' it right!
It's always cooked to perfection
Gotta keep your jean tight!

I've got GRILL SKILL,
It takes NERVES OF STEEL,
When you've got orders to fill
Look to the one the GRILL SKILL!

[Hahahahahahah!]

I've got you covered,
When the line's up the door,
When you get hit real hard,
I should bring 'em some more!

I've got GRILL SKILL,
It takes NERVES OF STEEL,
When you've got orders to fill,
Come to one the GRILL SKILL!

GRILL SKILL!
It takes NERVES OF STEEL,
When you've got orders to fill
You need the one with the GRILL SKILL!

[Cheesy sax]

(C)1989 Wendy's International, Inc
All Rights Reserved

DEMO TAPE FOR WENDY'S INTERNATIONAL